The world is getting stranger by the decade. Every generation perceives itself as the standard for normal. The generation that follows oftens seems garish to those that were here before. Youths seem more radical and the sweet grooves that used to fill the airwaves are replaced by a cacophony of noise.
A recent disturbance in the force has caused what seems to be a most perplexing and vulgar fashion trend. You’ve heard of this; young women everywhere opting for tights as pants.
Are tights a suitable pant replacement? Probably. But probably not. Is a thin lycra-spandex-nylon-cotton stretched over a bare rump acceptable on its own?
It’s easy for one to criticize young people. In a world where dubstep is considered music, why can’t tights be considered pants?
Young women are now walking around essentially nude. Tights as pants are the equivalent of body painting. And, as we all know, body painting is just an excuse for walking around without clothes on.
This tights as pants revolution may look disturbing to you, but I believe there’s far more going on here.
When forward-thinking folk peer into the future, they often see a world that has lost it’s eclectic sense of fashion and has opted for a universal dress code. This typically involves a revealing one piece spandex suit stretched tightly over the human frame. Stripes appear optional.
Could it be that we are experiencing the first of these major shifts toward a more homogenous, tightly wrapped future? Could tights as pants be our first step towards a more form fitting world? What if the trend we see today continues? Will our future fashion style be born out of our current indecent proposal? Are tights as pants the precursor to a society where the major distinctions between one style or another are long vertical stripes? Yes.
Tights as pants are the future. Get used to it. It won’t get better, it’ll get worse. When they start selling tights to grown men and toddlers, you’ll know my prediction was spot on. Grandma, get ready for a world where there’s little difference between being dressed and being butt naked.