Dating

On Being Gay and Single

On Being Gay and Single

If you enjoyed reading the Melanie Kaye’s same-sex marriage article, you’ll find this article to be of interest.

Being gay in The United States is already a difficult proposition, throw in the crazy dating scene that goes with it and its truly “a jungle out there!” When it comes right down to it, men are men, gay or straight and in the gay world the same insecurities are present but simply directed at the same sex which only adds to the drama. Gay men do not know how to communicate with each other. Mutual attraction is often confirmed through sidelong glances at the local bar or Home Depot! Societal pressures and the bias against homosexuality make it even harder to establish a strong and stable connection with someone.

The Gay Bar Scene
The bar scene is central to gay life which in many cases can be overwhelming and intimidating to those who are not into partying. Intense pressure to fit in includes heavy drinking and partying. This is where most connections are made through eye contact and sidelong glances. Most gay guys travel in herds and this herd mentality extends to making sexual contact. We won’t approach a stranger unless a friend knows him or may know whom he has slept with. In the gay world, you most likely have slept with whoever your boyfriend has had sex with. We are a minority after all.

Gays and Fashion
Fashion has a lot of influence on sexual attraction gay wise. Abercrombie and Fitch’s marketing is not homoerotic for no reason. Like many heterosexuals, a lot of the sexual chemistry between gays is superficial and many guys, myself included think sometimes that gay men just don’t know how to date. There is just too much testosterone combined together and no outlet. Men are generally pigs in the straight world and there is no real difference on our side of the fence, people.

Gay Dating
Conventional wisdom dictates that sex is expected on the first date. My personal experience bares this fact out well. There are both good and bad reasons to choose either option. If the guy in question is hot and there is no expectation of any relationship, then be responsible and go for it.

However, if you really like the guy and want to possibly develop a relationship it’s highly advised to think with the right head and not screw around on the first date. It’s always hard to begin any kind of relationship when the mystery is completely gone before you even remember the guy’s name. But, if the guy is hot, wear a condom and get busy!

The expectation of sex creates unnecessary pressures to conform to the ideal gay image and is a problem that gay people in general have to work on. Overall though, I don’t believe that gays screw around anymore than straight people do. Although, most people do think that gays are sex crazy nymphos. When you don’t have to worry about having kids why not screw like rabbits all the time?

The time period after the first date is an excruciating time for gay and straights alike. In the gay world, often the extent of the relationship is one date! Especially if no sex is involved. On the other hand, lesbians bring the U-Haul on the second date. If a guy likes another guy then there is no way he wants the guy to find out! This line of thinking makes absolutely no sense: welcome to the gay world. One should not contact the other person for at least two days after the first date; you do not want to seem clingy. Giving off the clingy vibe is usually the kiss of death with gay dating. There is nothing worse than a clingy queen. However, one should not wait too long either. If contact is not made after the first week the other party will forget your name or ignore you at the bar. The key is to be aggressive without appearing overly so. The art of being subtle is a trait that is very underutilized among gays.

Being Gay Outside of the Party Scene
There are other options to find compatible boyfriends outside of the party scene. Larger cities often have civic and professional organizations that anyone can join in order to network and meet new people. In these settings there is less sexual pressure and there is also the opportunity for friendships to be made. Often, the best relationships can spring from great friendships.

Simply because each partner took the time to get to know the other person before throwing sex into equation. Gay guys that are not into the party scene should not lose hope about not finding “Mr. Right.”

In every relationship gay or straight, there are issues sexual and otherwise that spring up. Open communication is key to a strong relationship. Those in gay relationships are most likely to understand this even more because of the tough road they had to travel to even get to the point of having a commitment with another man. If you approach a relationship with an open mind and heart it will be reciprocated in kind and set the stage for years of happiness to come.

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Mark is a contributor.