Do long distance relationships work? In so many cases, they just seem to slowly degrade until there’s almost no relationship at all. In fact, many people see long distance relationships as being among the most notorious to never actually work, or at least be very difficult. There are a number of advantages and disadvantages to dating someone who lives far away. At some point, many people will find themselves in a situation where they have to decide whether giving a long-distance relationship a chance is worth it or not. It’s a tough one – but if you actually decide to make it work, can you?
The Distance
Mostly we agree that there should be some distance between two people in a relationship. We don’t want to be together all the time – some time apart every now and then is good and healthy for a relationship. Therefore the distance itself is both a negative and positive factor.
Pro: If you don’t see each other that often, you might appreciate it more when you actually do. The real question is how much you need to be together, and if you have different views on this subject; to find a compromise.
Con: It’s obvious – you’re going to miss each other a lot.
The Time
Is the long-distance thing for a shorter period of time, such as half a year, three months, a year or is it more likely to be indefinitely? This is very important to know and discuss when you figure out what you want to do. For some people three months apart can be okay, but half a year unacceptable. You have no guidelines on this subject other than your own feelings and judgment. Some might say, that if three months is okay, then half a year isn’t so bad either, and then you can go on and on like that.
Pro: In some situations half a year apart might even be a good ting for the relationship. You get time apart to be yourself and evolve, which can prove to be great for your relationship.
Con: You might “grow apart” – evolve in different directions that do not work together.
The Planning
If you’re willing to give long-distance a try, you have to be aware of the importance of planning your time. Keeping dates becomes even more important when you’re in a long-distance relationship; if you don’t keep a date, you might have to push it a month or two ahead, which can make a huge difference and of course disappoint your partner.
Pro: If you can keep the dates you make, they’re probably going to be much greater than if you could have them every other day.
Con: You have to be willing to spent less time together in your everyday life, but at the same time be willing to spend many weekends together, of course depending on how far from each other you are, and what deals you’ve made about seeing each other. Having to plan your dates like this can be frustrating, especially when it doesn’t work out and you have to reschedule; and this will happen.
Making it Work – Can You?
It’s easy to lay the ground rules and pick the dates, for some it might even be easy to make the decision (to do long-distance), but the hard work and the big test of the relationship shows itself when you’re actually going for it and trying the long-distance relationship; then you being to see the things that really complicate and compromise the relationship. It’s difficult to answer the question: can you really make a long-distance relationship work?
The only way to figure it out is to try it, but think carefully about it before you do. Can you handle the degree of distance, time, and planning that is required for your long-distance relationship? Think these things through before making the decision, and then when having made the decision, stick with it.
Of course, you shouldn’t stay in a long-distance relationship if you find it makes you miserable after a few months, but no matter what choice you decide to make – give yourself the credit of giving your choice a chance.
Long-distance isn’t easy – so don’t expect it to be. But if you decide to try, you should be prepared to work really hard, and if you do – you might actually (probably against the odds) be able to make it work.
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