Heroes sucks. That’s it. There it is. I said it. Or, wrote it actually. Let’s face it, Heroes does suck. It has sucked for a very long time. Tell your friend that still thinks it’s a good show that he doesn’t know the first thing about evaluating a TV show. I still watch Heroes. Out of desperation. There’s nothing like it on TV even though there could be.
The people who write Heroes either don’t know the first thing about writing, don’t know the first thing about writing a comic book as an action-drama, don’t know the first thing about entertainment, or [insert logical thing that they should know how to do but don’t].
I cannot believe that with decades of experience in knowing what works and what doesn’t work, the team that produces Heroes still doesn’t know how to handle the series.
Why Heroes Sucks
Here are just a few of the ridiculous aspects of Heroes that make it suck:
- The plot goes nowhere.
- The major, obvious missed opportunities. The scenes where there is great chemistry between characters are completely missed by the writers. The Hiro-Ando-Daphne (the fast running girl) could have been a great sub-group within a larger team. The cheerleader and Elle Bishop (shoots electricity from hands) is another couple that could have been great together.
- People suddenly getting powers. How stupid was that? Why does Ando get powers? Because the writers realized it was an oversight not to have given him powers to begin with? ARG!
- Why does everyone hate their powers except the one bad guy who not only loves his, but is better at using them than anyone else?
- The constant changes in character personality that make no sense. Peter running into Matt Parkman’s house and without explanation saving Syler? Huh?! What!? Just so painful.
- The Claire Bennet/daughter/cheerleader – Noah Bennet/father love-hate relationship goes on and on faaaaar more than anyone cares about.
- Stupid, long, drawn out time travel stories that make no sense. Hiro went to the past to find his sword and we were bored out of our heads for half a season. Peter Petrelli ended up in Montreal and I still don’t know why, how, who or what he did there. The future Hiro came back speaking perfect English. The future Claire looking really hot but ready to kill. Hiro, again, going all over the place. Oh man, it’s just too painful to keep writing this stuff!!
- People gain and lose powers like trying on different clothes. Peter’s abilities… don’t even get me started!
- People and plots are featured then disappear. What happened to that stupid plot line with Peter Petrelli’s aunt living in the dessert? What happened to Monica Dawson (who could mimic reflexes) who got kidnapped?
- Those long boring talk-overs by Mohinder Suresh and then the Carnival ringmaster himself. Boooring. Pooointless. Driiivelll.
- The “I did it!” excitement has faded to nothing because Hiro’s character went nowhere (despite his ability to go anywhere!).
- Why does the hottest babe on the show, Ali Larter, have this tremendous scene where she completely freezes a parking garage in a way that would do the X-men’s Iceman proud, and then she’s practically written out of the show. Completely unbalanced writing! Did they have a special on “special effects stuff you spray on to make it look like you froze the room” or something?
- Interesting plots quickly develop and die even faster. Kudos to the Heroes marketing team for seeing something extremely important that the writers missed. At one point, the Heroes were tired of being followed by the government. They decided to band together and get their revenge. An entire commercial preview of the ‘rest of the season’ implied that this newly formed supergroup would be the show’s new direction. It got us all hot and bothered. It never happened. They got together for what, like two scenes? Ridiculous! The marketing team knew what we all wanted to see and tricked us into thinking that’s what was coming. It never did. The plot to get revenge on Naomi’s sister Jen in this season of 90210 was more interesting than the “big Heroes revenge.” Pathetic.
- That whole lesbian insinuation with Claire – drop it. It’s pointless.
- The entire series has overdramatic moments that go into slow, boring lulls and then back into overdramatic moments.
- The idiot who thought up the “Nathan Petrelli in Sylar before his final death” should never get a job in Hollywood again. Sorry, you had your big chance and you blew it. It was horrible.
How to Save Heroes
Make it good. Make it great! Go back and read X-men comic books. Speak to comic readers and find out what it is about the books that people like. You’ll find that they love the action but also the drama, the plot twists, the soapy plot lines, the unique and original ways to use one’s powers, and oh so much more. Watch the movie Push (which wasn’t great but had the right idea), all three X-men movies, and well, you get the idea. One would hope. Make a damn team! That’s what EVERYONE wants. Nobody cares about seeing the characters trying to live normal lives and blending into society individually.
It’s rumored that Heroes will be put out of its misery after the next season. That’s a shame. Although, maybe then the writers will get McJobs to make up for their lack of talent. Just like the O.C., Heroes is dying a painful death in TV-land and taking us with it. The O.C. also started off with such promise and slowly spiraled into moronicity (I just made that word up). Heroes is headed in the same direction.
Heroes Drinking Game
Just like the Smallville drinking game and the Lost drinking game, Heroes could have had potential as a drinking game but it’s not. You want to know why? Because it sucks. I wouldn’t want you to have to watch Heroes DVDs just to get drunk. You should get drunk before watching so it can numb the pain of having to watch it!
Anyways, Heroes sucks. Long live the death of Heroes.
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