Once in a while I give relationship advice to both girl and guy friends. The best relationship break-up advice and tips pale in comparison to the act itself. Let’s face it, the act of breaking-up sucks. It’s a time of confusion, crying, yelling, arguing, and just overall a sea of unpleasant and mixed emotions. No one ever wants to be broken up with and I think that the person who initiates the break-up probably walks away with their head a little higher than the person who was on the receiving end of the bad news. Still, it’s something that’s done thousands of times a day all over the world.
When to Break-up
This CitynetMagazine.com article is part two of a two-part series on breaking up. The first discusses issues surrounding how to recognize that it’s time to break up (like when there’s lots of arguing, changing priorites, and so on). I encourage you to read that article in addition to this one.
The Most Important Break-up Tip: It’s All About You.
The most important piece of advice that I can give you is to think about yourself when breaking-up. I know that when you’re considering breaking-up ideas flood into your mind like:
- “What will her friends think?”
- “What will I do on weekends?”
- “Who will enjoy/do/experience whatever/blank with me?”
- “…but her niece loves to play with me…”
- “…but she’s helped me through some rough spots…”
Forget them. You need to only concentrate on what’s good for you, your sanity, your future, your happiness, and your life at this time and in the future.
Do not think about how your girlfriend just lost her job or that her mother recently passed away or that she’ll be sad for a long time. It doesn’t matter. Once you break up, it’s not your problem. She will get on with her life without you. She’ll find another job, get over the death of her mother, and stop being sad in time. People adapt and once you break up, she’ll change her lifestyle the same way you will. In some cases it may come as a relief since your partner may have not wanted to be the one who initiated the break-up, especially after a long relationship.
It’s Not Easy
Breaking up is rarely easy, especially after a long time together but it’s done countless times every single day. I know it could be tough but you have to think about your own needs first. You don’t have to be a jerk when you break up and when I say that you should think of your own needs first, it doesn’t validate a screaming match and name-calling as you end your relationship, nor does it imply in any way that you should make up stories and lie to cover up your own lack of interest in continuing the relationship. Be honest and tell her the truth: You’re no longer interested, end of story. It won’t be easy to say and it won’t be easy once you’ve broken up but over time, most people are just fine.
The Bottom Line
If you want to get out of a relationship and you need motivation to do it, consider your own needs. That’s what I’m saying here. In fact, once you’ve read this article and had a chance to consider your own needs, you may be able to initiate a break-up that’s calmer than you might have otherwise. That’s my take on it and it’s made it a lot easier for me and friends in the past. Good luck.
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